I’m here sitting in something similar to Marvin’s room, pondering everything that has happened. Listening to everything around me and not what’s in front of me. “What is nostalgia?” I ask. It’s everything I did wrong. No one in this world can look forward while living in the past.
As I stay pensive about the past, feelings come up. Rushes of adrenaline, smells instantly recognizable, sights I am barely able to reconstruct in my mind. And the sounds, just the subtle noises that ring in my head over and over. I can’t focus on anything except what I did wrong. Staying in the state of mind that seems impossible to escape. When you live in the world we do today, everything you do and hear is being watched. Whether it’s by someone on the other side of a screen somewhere or someone looking over your shoulder. Everything is projected to anyone, and at times you lose sight of who to listen too. I made a rash decision and stopped listening to the only reliable source. When I look back, when everything was flowing smooth, it was like the best kind of high. Some kind of drug that kept me drifting towards something great. But now that I’ve been cut off from this drug, i’m drifting away from the high. The time spent is all gone now, the memories have been cashed out by one impulsive decision. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. But now, it’s all regret, deep, dark, dormant regret.
Times have changed, it’s in the past, and the only thing you can look toward is the oncoming present. Not the future because everything can change in an instant and that will change your future. “Don’t dwell in the past, do not look to the future, live in the now.” These are the wise words of Buddha. It makes sense now more than ever. Dwelling on the past only keeps the feelings looming. It’s time to rise up and move forward in life. Even though it feels as though you’re sinking into a point of no return, moving up in the world is the only option. The past is the past, and it will forever stay that way. But you can right your wrongs when the next opportunity comes. It looks as though the time is up and it’s time to step up. It’s time to leave this nostalgic space and move forward and prepare for whatever else may come.